I think it’s safe to say that dating with kids is much more complicated than without. Suddenly the whole “marriage first” concept makes a whole lot of sense, but hey it doesn’t always work out that way, and that’s okay. Sometimes you do get married first and that doesn’t always work out either, as emotionally trying as either of these particular situations may be, it is part of our reality (I know, I hate it too). So the question remains, when do we date, how to we go about dating, are we really ready and how will my children respond to this? I’ve shared before that I am a single mom, and I think what has been the hardest thing for me to do as a single mom aside from caring for my daughter is accepting that title because I never wanted to be one. I think it took me a solid year with mini breakdowns in between before the concept really struck me as real. With that being said, I think that’s the first step. Accepting where we are and meeting our own selves where we currently stand (picture a big YOU ARE HERE sign) in life emotionally, mentally, and physically. Once we acknowledge what we are and where we are I think it’s safe to move forward a bit. Notice I said acknowledge verses accept, that is because most situations, emotions, concerns etc. are temporary and 100 percent changeable!! So with that in mind, why do we even feel like we should date? I mean realistically we’ve most likely been a single parent for a while now right? I think it all boils down to feeling pressured in one way or another. I know I have felt pressured to change my “single mom” title just because it came with unwanted stereotypes. I made a conscious decision to reject negative judgments of others and that no longer mattered to me. But hey, wait, what about all the ridiculously cute couples and families flooding our news feeds. I can’t even tell you how many times I uninstalled my Facebook app because I just didn’t want to know how happy everyone else was! So maybe we feel pressured to be like everyone else…Freudian slip much? Whatever our reasons, they need to solely be OUR reasons, because our life is our own and now our children;, who are the beneficiaries of our decision making. It wouldn’t be fair to put ourselves or others (children, potential mates) into a dating relationship as band-aides to our insecurities. Trust me, I know it gets lonely, and sometimes you just want the companionship and someone to watch bad tv with, but we must take that next step with a clear head. I am obviously not an expert but here are a few things to think about:
4 signs that you are maybe NOT so ready to date
1. If you’re looking for someone to be the father of your child/children, then maybe you should hold off. We as mother’s need to be strong and stable on our own. We need to be confident in our parenting abilities with or without the presence of a father.
2. If you’re looking for someone to support you and FIX the situation. Simply put, the relationship will fail before it even gets started. By wanting someone to storm in and make it all better you are slapping these expectations on them that they don’t even know exist and will never meet...automatic disappoint. It is important to be well established on your own and able to stand on your own two feet before bringing someone new into the mix.
3. If you’re just looking for sex. I feel like when children are involved we need to bring up our standards bar a bit as the choices we make are the things our children see and directly learn from. We know it gets lonely and the dry spells turn into the drought but I think we owe it to ourselves to want more. And hey, remember when we had sex because we loved someone? Is it worth the disappointment? What if one of you ends up wanting more and the other one doesn’t…a mess that could be avoided, should be avoided, our kids make enough messes on their own!
4. If you have to question your readiness. I feel like this is self-explanatory. If you have to question whether or not you are ready to date, you aren’t. If there are too many “what ifs”, “what about”, “should I”, then wait! I’ve got some great news, men or women are going to be on this earth for a while, so there is no need to rush. Instead, use this time to really get in touch with yourself and what you’re really wanting. That confidence will automatically reflect in your relationship. And that’s fantastic!!
So overall, it’s important that you are confident with who you are, and in the life that you live, whatever you are not confident or comfortable with is not permanent and can be changed! Before you drag anyone into your situation, make sure your situation isn’t a drag. We’ve all got skeletons, but let’s at least put them in the closet in alphabetical order. When meeting someone it is important to be opened and honest and to be completely okay with the response you get no matter which way it goes. After all, the idea is to blend together not to fit a circle into a square. And last but not least, children aside, we need to be first. It is important that we take good care of ourselves and remain strong, our lives are the blueprints of our children’s future so when we make choices we should ask how this it going to positively or negatively play out in our lives, and move forward from there. Xo
Margaritas anyone?
-Sydney
-Sydney
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