The Sisterhood of Motherhood

Let's talk about motherhood, shall we? 

Moms... we need to change our attitudes. 

Hear me out! 

We mothers can be like vultures. We pick each other apart and analyze each other's parenting styles, children, clothes, or food choices. 

We argue about vaccines, circumcision, car seats, diapers, breast feeding, food and diet, schools, discipline, the list goes on and on.... 

We compare ourselves to each other: "Well.. at least I don't (fill in snotty remark here)." 

Moms... it's okay to feel passionate about those things. It's okay to believe what you believe. You get to decide what's best for your child. Guess what? We all do. 

I know what you're thinking. "But.. MY way is RIGHT." 

Right? 

Right. 

Hey, guess what? That's cool. 

You know what's not cool? 

Attacking another mother because she does things differently. 

Let's talk about the things that make us the same... 

1.) We cry. From the moment our child comes into this world, we are doomed to cry. We cry when they're born. We cry when they take their first step. We cry on the first day of school, at prom, when they get their license, when they graduate, when they get married, etc... we are doomed to cry. All of us. 

2.) We go through a phase where we look and smell like zombies. I can't stand it where I hear the mother of a newborn say "He's such a good sleeper!" Really? Because my newborn woke up every two hours like clock work for EIGHT MONTHS STRAIGHT. But, regardless.... whether your zombie phase only lasted a week or two, or eight months... we all go through one. 

3.) We hide in the bathroom to eat doughnuts (or cake, or cupcake, or candy bar, or wine) just so we don't have to share with our child. Because nothing is ours anymore. But this doughnut... damn it.. this doughnut is MINE. 

4.) We get pooped on, peed on, puked on... we get snot and food and drinks and God-knows-what-else all over us. And not just when they're babies. I got peed on more when my daughter was potty training than the entire time she was a baby. 

5.) We get excited about everything. The first time our baby opens their eyes; crawls; walks; says their first word; gets their first good grade in school; says the alphabet; draws a picture (and you can tell what it is!)..... We are proud of our children. We love watching them grow and develop into little people. 

6.) We're nostalgic. We save all kinds of things that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else. Ticket stubs, cards, drawings, baby clothes, blankets... anything and everything that reminds us of when they were little or all the amazing things they've done. 

7.) We all question ourselves. Are we doing the right thing? Did I pick the right name? The right doctor? The right car seat? The right school? Am I teaching them the right stuff? My friend's kid (insert whatever here) and my kid isn't. Crap. What am I doing wrong? We all do that to ourselves. It's what makes us good parents. It's also what drives us crazy. 

8.) We are all a little crazy. How can you not be crazy? We go years and years without the slightest privacy. Kids opening the shower curtain and scaring us half to death.... going pee with a little inspector asking you how it all works.... prying eyes and billions of embarrassing questions. Public announcements: "My mommy has boobs!" "My mommy has a weird mole!" "My mommy has a dimple on her butt!!" (Those are all things my daughter has said to various cashiers within the last year.) 

Okay... so I think you get the point. 

We're more alike than we are different, ladies.... 

So why do we run the race of motherhood like a sprint, instead of a team sport? 

Why are we competing, instead of working together? 

We don't have to agree on everything in order to be a community of mothers to each other. 

That's what we are. That's what we should be. A community. 

But, more and more... I see moms trying to do everything on their own. And it's hard these days.. with things like Pintrest making us feel like we have to hand make dozens of birthday invites out of doilies, instead of sending a Facebook invite for every one to meet at Chuckie Cheese. 

We're hard on ourselves. Our generation of mothers has more information about safety and health than any other generation. We worry about what our kids eat and how much technology is too much technology. We worry about everything. We're on a whole new playing field than our previous generations. 

So how can we help each other out? How do we become that community that each of us really needs? 

Here are a few ideas: 

Make two casseroles. 

When you're trying out that new recipe... making a lasagna or trying out one of those famous Pintrest casseroles... make a second one and drop it off with another momma. We all need a break from cooking.. and sometimes something as simple as getting some relief from the mundane tasks of every day motherhood can mean more than anything. 

Pick up your friend's kids. 

Are you going to the park or taking your littles out for ice cream? Offer to pick up your friend's kids and take them with you. It's not a big deal, just an hour or two.... but, can you imagine what you'd do with a free hour or two? 

Organize play dates. And follow through. 

We all talk about it... "Let's get together soon!" But, do it. It's great for the kids and for the moms. Sometimes there is nothing more wonderful that sitting on the porch with another adult, drinking iced tea and watching the kids run around. 

Organize a clothing swap. 

Our kids outgrow clothes. Fast. Let's get together and figure this out! Think garage sale. But free! Score. 

The more we do these things for the other moms in our lives... the more we receive also. This is how we become a community, mommas. This is how we stop exhausting ourselves by sprinting through the day. Don't be afraid to pass on, or pick up the baton and run the race together. We are sisters. We are superwomen. And more importantly... we're not alone... let's act like it.
-Carly